Smudge

Started smudging this week and have already noticed more clarity and focus. I have more energy and awareness. I wonder if others notice. I was told by someone today that I seemed more “zen”‘ shortly after a backhanded comment of how I used to bring so much drama. People wonder why I stay to myself and avoid leaving home and do not have friends and prefer meditation and reminiscing of times when others enjoyed my company. Others used to speak of my work ethic and how much I contributed to others. If that’s not how I will be remembered, I have no purpose or need to meditate to determine another path for my life as this comment really disturbed my “zen” today. Boo. Smudge on, omies.

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The vision

As I sat meditating, hoping to clear the negative energy from the day, I was asked to seek my life’s purpose. I quickly felt hot tears flowing down my cheeks as if a river had just broken through a dam. Why was this causing so much pain? Why was I so lost when I had been doing what I thought was my calling? The leader then brought us to a state of such relaxation as she told us to notice anything we saw. I quickly envisioned the face a watch enveloped by hands. Under the hands were flames. The symbolism of me holding my life and time slipping away and I knew the fire was alit and I was on my way! Destiny was  in my hands and controlling time was clear, but the flames, to me were a driving, burning passion, perhaps one that time has yet to unfold. And perhaps it will be at the hands of another. I’m anxious and excited to embrace these visions as they offer themselves as I’ve had them since I was young but dispelled them as nonsense, and am only now realizing how special they are and how much meaning they could hold. I could help others understand their paths and one day, finally understand mine. I suspect my flame, twin flame, that is, was very much a part of that vision for a reason. I’m not the only one that is lost.